I heard it said that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. How true is that statement? Can we truly give to others if we feel depleted in our understanding of who we are as individuals? To what extent do we genuinely like ourselves? Self-esteem and the extent to which you like, accept, and value yourself play crucial roles in shaping your self-concept. Our self-esteem can be influenced by a number of factors, including how others perceive you, how you think you measure up against your peers, and the specific role you hold in society. Carl Rogers believed that incongruence has its earliest roots in childhood development. When parents place conditions on their affection for their children, such as only expressing love if their children "earn it" through specific behaviors or by meeting certain expectations, these children begin to distort their memories of experiences. This process can leave them feeling unworthy of their parents' love and approval. In my practice as an art therapist, I examine the complexities of identity and the image of ourselves that has been constructed through a multitude of factors, including our environment, the influence of our guardians, and societal norms. These elements play an integral role in shaping how I approach my work in this field, as I seek to help individuals navigate their self-worth and understanding.
My own unique childhood experiences have played a pivotal role in shaping how I viewed and understood myself as an adolescent and early adult. Having had a narrow, distorted view of my own identity significantly altered the way I saw myself, and, in return, this impacted how I approached and engaged with the world around me. In essence, I found that I could not love others well, and I maintained that my efforts to get others to love and accept me often came at a cost—ultimately, it cost me my own sense of self. Diving into the intricate process of becoming who I was truly intended to be required a deep deconstruction of my thoughts and established patterns. I needed to understand the values that were important to me, to recognize what I genuinely believed in, and to clarify who I perceived myself to be as an individual. I started to listen to the innate intuitions about what felt good, which guided me to begin experiencing a life that was much more in line with my true self and aspirations.
In my numerous experiences with clients, this has consistently proven to be a crucial starting point for gaining access to a transformative healing journey. Believing in my clients wholeheartedly and allowing them the necessary space to explore their thoughts and feelings gives them the opportunity to truly understand themselves better and fosters deeper connections throughout the process.
References
Rogers, Carl R. 1995. On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
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