Being Heard: Relationships
“I feel happier by just for being myself and letting others be themselves” Carl Rogers (1995)
How many people can genuinely say they truly know you? Is this level of understanding even realistically obtainable? A significant characteristic of open, honest, and reciprocal relationships lies within the realms of truly being who you are, while also granting the authority for others to exercise that same right as well. Relationships can often be tricky and complicated, but at the very heart of any mutual relationship is a solid foundation built on authentic living. That being said, are there indeed appropriate levels to authenticity, or are we truly only considered authentic when we are all in, being fully ourselves? This is a particularly tricky subject to breach when it comes to therapeutic relationships. Authenticity in therapy manifests through the therapist's genuine willingness to be themselves, which encompasses acknowledging and sharing their own feelings when appropriate and beneficial. This practice must be balanced carefully, as it is not about shifting the focus from the client to the therapist, but rather about offering a thoughtful model of authentic interaction. By doing so, therapists provide a safe and welcoming space where clients feel empowered to explore their own genuine feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment. The authenticity demonstrated by the therapist encourages clients to lower their defenses and engage in the important process of self-exploration more deeply and meaningfully.
Clients benefit immensely from an authentic therapeutic relationship on multiple levels. First and foremost, it dissolves the hierarchical barriers that are often present in traditional therapeutic settings, thereby fostering a more collaborative and equal dynamic between the therapist and the client. This sense of equality significantly helps clients feel valued and understood, ultimately leading to a boost in their self-esteem and confidence. Moreover, when therapists embody authenticity in their practice, they convey a sense of unconditional positive regard, which not only reassures clients that they are accepted just as they are, but also that their feelings and experiences are valid, without any conditions or judgments imposed. This acceptance is profoundly powerful, playing a crucial role in helping clients learn to accept themselves, which is a fundamental and necessary step towards personal growth and overcoming deeply ingrained issues that may have held them back for years. When I reflect on some of the interactions I have had with clients during our sessions, I find that the most profound movement emerges from moments characterized by a genuine exchange of experiences. Every so often, a hint of “humanness” needs to surface as a vital platform for self-expression and exploration. It is often in these moments that an extraordinary amount of courage is demonstrated, creating energy that has no place to go except through something significant, often breaking down a barrier that has long existed.
So, the moral of the story is quite simple: just be yourself, and allow others the freedom to be themselves as well. This authentic exchange not only fosters mutual respect but also facilitates personal growth and movement towards something often greater than the individuals involved. By embracing our true selves and encouraging others to do the same, we create meaningful connections that can lead to transformative experiences and deeper understanding.
References
Rogers, Carl R. 1995. On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.